Truly Bad Movie Review

From Beyond (1986)

Oh my big throbbin’ pineal gland! This has to be the most Truly Bad horror film of all time. It was made by Stuart Gordon, the mind behind Re-Animator. Here he gives us a big cheesy dish of fleshy schlock that is just too good to miss. Sadly, it is not yet available in DVD.

There is a diabolical machine that makes people horny by stimulating their pineal glands. It also opens minds to other dimensions where aggressive flying jellyfish and eels live. When the machine goes on, clothes come off, and pretty soon Barbara Crampton is bending over, ass-et in camera, wearing nothing but a leather thong, bustier and dominatrix collar. Ken Foree gets to model a wet banana hammock, later on. And the rubbery alien strums Barbara’s nipples.

You see, when you over stimulate your pineal using diabolical machines, it tends to burst through the front of your skull and waver about in the air like a semi-turgid member. And then you get hungry for brains. It’s just too bad that with all the technological advances that allow people to build a machine like that, they can’t put the alien in correct perspective when he flies. I mean, not even close. So take note: From Beyond is a Hall of Fame level Truly Bad Film. But you will have to watch it in video.