Truly Bad Films

Friday, October 28, 2005

New York City Smells Good . . . For Once

New York City smelled so good last night that it scared people.

There were so many calls that the city's Office of Emergency Management coordinated efforts with the Police and Fire Departments, the Coast Guard and the City Department of Environmental Protection to look into it.

By 11 p. m., the search had turned up nothing harmful, according to tests of the air. Reports continued to come in from as far north as 112th Street shortly before midnight. In Lower Manhattan, where the smell had begun to fade, it was back, stronger than before, by 1 a.m.

Some people thought it was maple syrup-like. Others said roasted peanuts or vanilla. What a great episode of Twilight Zone this could have been. A strange but enjoyable smell infiltrates Gotham City and everyone thinks it smells like something different. Slowly, they discover that no matter what your favorite food is, that is what it smells like to you! And then, of course, the camera pulls back at the end to revel the aliens who comment ironically on the whole experiment. Can't you just see Bill Shatner in that one, rising on his toes slightly as he sniffs the air, a look of manly caution in his eyes which collapses into relief.

"It's like . . . funnel cakes!" he gasps. "But . . . where ARE they?"


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