Truly Bad Films

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Eckerd Flyer Outrages

Outrage 1: Perused the Eckerd Pharmacy sale flyer as I ate breakfast this morning in the diner. Bad news in Chai-rista Land, the land where rivers of Dr. Pepper flow: Hershey's is coming out with "Limited Edition" Cherry Cordial Kisses. Ah! How can they do this to us with a weakness for chocolate and cherries? Why? Why! It's just something else I'll have to remember not to eat.

Outrage 2: In other Eckerd flyer news, apparently that Jessica Simpson person, (who I learned by watching tv last night, played Daisy Duke in the recent Dukes of Hazzard movie) will get carpal tunnel from her vigorous efforts to completely strip the teat of every last drop of her 15 overlong whatevers of fame. She appears on page two of the Eckerd flyer, offering the Ekerd flyer reader a lollipop borne in hands at the ends of alarmingly hyper-exteneded arms. No kidding! Her elbows are actually bent backwards in the photo. I know nothing about this woman except that I'm tired of seeing her on magazines at the grocery checkout. And I do not want her lollipop.

In the Eckerd ad she's selling her line of toilet waters and lip glosses called "Dessert Treats." The lip gloss flavors she favors are as follows:
Banana Split, Bubble Gum, Butterscotch Toffee, Cotton Candy, Creamsicle and Lollipop

Obviously these are marketed to girls in their early teens for the purpose of polluting the air of their parent's cars, and their middle school classrooms, with State Fair odors. How well I remember my own lip gloss abuse in the early 70's. Mine was supposed to smell like bubble gum but it really smelled like petroleum jelly and cut-rate grenadine. I bet the "Dessert Treats" lip glosses smell like, in the order given above: Banana Hard Candies-n-Kerosene, Wax Lips, Imitation Butter with Corn Sugar, Diabetes, Orange-sicle Barf and Kayro Poots.

Thanks Jessica. You can go away any time now.


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