Truly Bad Films

Friday, December 30, 2005

New Bed

Stopped by the sleep store a few days ago to check out the options available in a new bed. The one I fell for instantly was the Tempur-Pedic. I know my pal, Mrs. KeySunSet, does not like the Tempur-Pedic. But the instant I rolled my back down into the one they call The Deluxe, I was in a serious bed crush. It embraced me, peeps. It loved my back, it soothed my shoulders, it hugged my butt. My body was in love. I thought I could fall asleep in just a minute and never bother to move all night - right there in the store!

But moving on the Tempur-Pedic is my concern. You just kind of sink into it and then float slightly below sea level. Your partner can do ninja moves, have grand mal epiletic attacks and ride a horse around a series of hedges on the other side of the bed and you'll never know it because the Tempur-Pedic minimmizes mattress shock. But since it does let you sink into it, I'm concerned that once I get in and sleep, I'll be stuck inside the thing like a dinosaur in the LeBrea Tar Pits . . . forever. Imagine having to pee really bad and being bogged into your bed such that you'll fossilize there. It happened to them! You know what they call fossilized dinosaur dung? Coprolites! For real, MonkeySee! Do you want me slowly coproliting in my new bed? Neither do I!

So, you can tell, I need some feedback. Does anyone have a Tempur-Pedic bed? Can you, like, turn over in it? Can you get up in the morning? Are you, now, a dusty museum display since buying your Tempur-Pedic? If so, I guess you wouldn't be able to tell me - - but try!

Who among you has Tempur-Pedic been the death of?!
Please . . .


At 10:07 PM, Anonymous keysunset said...

You already know all to well that I do NOT like these beds. I'd rather sleep on a pallet on the floor like I used to do as a child when we'd go to visit grandpa.

But OH LORD anything is better than a sleeper sofa... :-D


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