How Do You Two Live Together . . .
. . . or Why I Married Pep.
Last semester, our writing teacher read one of my papers and then looked at Pep and said, "How do you two live together?" Apparently there's something about the way we look, or communicate ideas, that made the professor think we coudn't possibly be compatible. I had to chuckle because Pep and I share three major elements of bone-level compatibility that hold the whole-shebang together. They may be invisible, but they work.
1. Same sense of humor. Pep and I laugh at the same things. He is always cracking me up. He's uniquely hilarious and this goes a long way in a relationship with me.
2. We're both writers. We have a common pool of appreciation for language and the written word. My excitement over this shared love is, I'm sure, completely incomprehensible to anyone who does not have a genuine passion for language. But for those who do, it is vital.
3. (And MOST importantly) We both contribute to creating a peaceful and harmonious home life. Now, I know LOTS of people thrive on constant fighting, fussing, bickering, locking horns and butting heads - but I don't. I detest - DETEST - bickering, and I hate it more with every passing year. As I get older I tend to pull out my broadsword and just lop the head right off anyone in my life who thinks petty arguments are fun. Then we're done. I don't have the time or energy for it.
Famously, Dylan Thomas and his wife Caitlin were the Poster Couple for nose-bleed brawls and furniture wrecking make-up sex. They were forever smashing figurines against the wall in fits of passion - be it of rage or lust. But that is so NOT me. I need a Tumult-Free Zone in order to be able to function as a writer - and as a human being. I am NOT in ANY way Henry Miller. The impecunious, vagrant life-style appeals to me in six-figure negative numbers. Without peace and stablility in my life, I fear I'd quickly become Aileen Wuornos or Valerie Solanas. (If only someone had taught those girls to meditate! I'm kidding - mostly!) Anyway, I'd be somebody's worst nightmare - that's for sure. Without peace at home, and meditation, I'd soon be in jail.
Of course, love makes the relationship work too - but I'm not talking about that because it's easy to fall in love with a person you could never live with. People do it every day. Hell - I've done it more than once! Love isn't enough to create a workable 24/7 relationship. Sad, but true.
Today's topic is How Do You Live? And, for me, these three things make the living work - even if we pair up like a chili bean and a pine cone in our writing professor's eyes.
posted by keithurbanchic @ 9:18 AM
8 Comments:
I agree! Fighting well is one thing that counts for me - not saying hurtful things, not bickering. My mother always put it this way, "Pick your battles carefully." In other words, is it really worth fighting about? If not, let it go.
I think that another important element is to find someone with whom you have a tolerance for their faults. For instance, my ex-husband ate like a pig. I mean, he would get food on his face and on his fingers and ate with his mouth wide open and stuffed it full before even beginning to chew. He was disgusting! That is something I can't overlook. It ruined every nice meal we ever tried to have together. Now that I'm more mature, I realize that if someone's so-called faults don't bother me, we'll be good to go. But if they do, chances are, we'll never click.
I'm really happy you wrote about this, as it's something I've spent a lot of time thinking about. And the fact that you and Pep are so good together...well, it gives a girl some hope! Thanks for sharing this, and keep up the good work, you two!
Gal, this is SO topical for me today! This is my 24th wedding anniversary.
I agree, too! Mr. Key and I diverge on quite a few things - but they are the things that tend to make our differences the pieces that fit together to make a whole. A sense of humor, a shared body of knowledge and enough common interests to give us something besides the children to talk about, and a determination (esp. on Mr. Key's part, cough) to resolve arguments before they create festering sores, make up our happy recipe.
Heh, heh, I didn't know Pep took the classes with you last fall. Cool. Congrats to you both.
Thanks gals! And HAPPY 24th Anniversary Mrs. Keysunset!!! I'm sorry I'm slack and am always forgetting!
Bunnyjo - You are so right about being able to tolerate/accept your partner's faults. Eating like a pig would be right out, in my book! Other deal breakers include making derogatory comments about women, being an unimaginative, curiosity-free asspipe and - it goes without saying - even ONE (1) episode of physical abuse. ANY of that and we're DONE.
And I wanted to say more about the love angle. In traditional societies, that wasn't even a part of the equation for a happy marriage. The partners needed to be compatible to make it work. They didn't need to start out in love. If the compatibility is there, world tradition shows that love can come later. If there is no compatibility - like Bunnyjo says - it will never click!
And all this time, I thought it was my creasy greens and pot likker...
Pep
well, now, Pep, that doesn't hurt ... and your roast chicken and boiled corn ...
hahaha!! And I forgot to mention - I can barely boil an egg, but Pep can COOK!
My husband and I never fight anymore..I just hate it.
It sounds simple enough but fighting is so "hurtful" ya know.
Besides my man is a goofball of the highest order. Like when I do want to get mad at him, he'll just drop his pants around his ankles and stare at me.
How do you get mad with THAT?
Sandy - ROTFLMAO!!!
"How can you be mad at my nakedness?!" LOL!!!
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