Truly Bad Films

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Medical Training Wheels

How in the world does somebody learn to do a urinary catheterization? I mean, let's just imagine for a moment the first time you, as a student, go to run a plastic pipe up a fully conscious adult's delicate peewee zone. Just a guess, but that might be a low-cooperation scenario.

I found out today that instead of poking real people in the fascia until they knock out your dog teeth, you practice on models. And wow, is this site Sphincter-riffic!? The company goes by the gruesome moniker, Limbs and Things. Here you can purchase a fancy, feelable Strap-On-Breast set which will only set you back $1186, or so. A diagnostic prostate trainer can be had for a bargain $1260. And Oh My Lord - a Lady Milker Model! You need to milk a lady? They're all OVER the training angle with that!

The ever popular Catheterization Trainer, comes with "convincing tactile feedback and fluid flow [incorporating] a supple urethra and gently resistant sphincter providing a realistic response."

Wow! Supple urethra? Cool! But I don't think there's anything realistic about that "gently resistant sphincter." I'm thinking a sphincter clamped together like a bolt cutter in a vice would be more "realistic." And doesn't a "realistic response" include some expletive-laced screaming? Maybe that comes as an MP3 . . .

What do I know? My medical training never got past "anal sphincter freshener" and I was trained on the "primary document" so to speak. I don't have the bona fides you get from playing with a $1176 medical model.

7 Comments:

At 4:23 PM, Anonymous Lisa said...

When I was in college, I worked for a couple of months in the College of Nursing. Part of my job was to inventory these same sort of "training devices."

They ran the gamut from rubber vaginas (for practice pap smears) to rubber arms with blood cartridges (to learn how to draw blood). My favorite was what we called Testicles on a Stick. They were a rubber scrotum with testicles on a, well, STICK, that the nurses used to practice feeling for nodules and stuff.

LOVE.LY.

 
At 4:39 PM, Blogger Chai-rista said...

But they didn't come with audio of high volume curses and realistic kick-in-face action for the aspiring RN?

Damn.

Testicles-On-A-Stick. I can just imagine the nurse-in-training bachelorette parties . . .

 
At 10:26 AM, Anonymous keysunset said...

LOL! Testicles on a stick.

Well, I was just wondering this week, after Mr. Key had to have blood drawn and the first technician ended up sticking him in both arms and having to get a backup to finally find the vein, "Where DO they learn to do this?" Now I know. Our doc's office staff must not have had the MP3 ...

I'll tell you what, though. When we were able to give blood, those nurses at the Red Cross Center here were A-1 at getting those needles in and out without a problem!

 
At 1:46 PM, Blogger Chai-rista said...

Yeah - most of the Red Cross nurses have been like silk with that needle, but once I got one at the donation center that made it feel like a rusty railroad spike.

 
At 3:31 PM, Blogger Omnibus Driver said...

Damn, Skippy! I spewed coffee all over my monitor.

Think I can talk you into coming to the blogmeet in Austin, TX in April? You'd fit right in...

 
At 3:57 PM, Blogger Chai-rista said...

Hey Bus Driver! I would LOVE to come to the blogmeet - esp. in bee-yootiful Austin, but I ain't goin' nowhere 'till I meet up with a certain Mr. Green a bit more often.

Thankee fer the invite, tho! Hope to accept it another time.

 
At 4:51 PM, Blogger GG said...

In addition to your supple urethera and rubber vaginas let's not forget the rectal exam and the lumps and bumps trainor...

 

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