Truly Bad Films

Friday, January 27, 2006

Pep's Official Foreign Policy Statement

Surprise, Surprise, Surprise!

In the latest expression of "democracy" in the Arab world, the Palestinians went to the polls and elected--slap my ass and call me Sally--a government of Insane Muslim Religious Lunatics. Hamas. In a rout.

Shocked. Shocked, George Bush is. I mean, who'da thunk, right? Isn't the whole point of our invasion of Iraq the finding of weapons of mass...no, wait...the apprehension of the brutal dictator Saddam...no, that's not it...the quashing of the insurgency...oops...oh, yeah, the spreading of democracy to freedom-starved Muslim peoples. That's it! And with democracy will come peace, love, understanding--all those things in that Elvis Costello song.

Dumb hippie baby boomer.

What *has* come from spreading democracy in the Muslim world is Hamas, and before that the Iranian election of an Utterly Insane Muslim Religious Lunatic over a Moderately Insane Muslim Religious Lunatic, and before that an Iraqi election (pre-release version 0.3 alpha, if you're keeping track) of Iranian-affiliated Insane Shi'ite Muslim Religious Lunatics over...well, what opposition? And again I ask, just what did Bush expect?

That they'd elect Jimmy Carter?

This multiplicity of ineptitude would be hilarious, if not for the facts that 1) American solders are dying for this clusterfuck of a policy, and B) this is all most likely leading down the road towards a nuclear war. Note, I did not say "nuclear strike"--nobody currently in power or on the foreseeable fringes of power in the Western democracies has the cojones to take any kind of effective preemptive action against Iran. They'll get their nukes. And they'll use them. And maybe, or maybe not, we might, at that late date, think about some kind of reply. Maybe sanctions, or maybe a sternly compromised UN rebuke.

No, this "exporting democracy" crap is not working. It's like giving Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp the operating instructions to a starship printed on the inside of a banana peel. Hear me now when I say that what these Insane Muslim Religious Lunatics need is not democracy. What they need is 70 or so years of soul-sucking, toilet paper-hoarding, concrete-crumbling Communism with a capital C, comrades. Long lines at the falafel stand, secret police microphones in the mosques, gulags, salt mines, purges--the whole nine stinkin' yards of a Glorious Peoples Republic Dictatorship Of The Proletariat. Politburos. Internal passport controls. Propaganda machines. Dachas for the elite. Operatic celebrations of The Revolution on state-run TV. Yeah, 70 long years of Communism, old school style.

That'd cool 'em off!

--This has been an Official Foreign Policy Statement from Pep

2 Comments:

At 5:59 PM, Blogger GG said...

Props to Pep on his "foreign policy". It's much more thought out than mine which is, "Get my friends out of the middle east(most are in Iraq-fighting), Get the Jews and Christians out of Israel, and then finally we can blow the 'middle east' off the face of the earth."

 
At 10:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

pep rules

 

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