Risotto Rant

As long as I'm on the subject of offensive Italian food, I'll have to say a word about risotto.

Risotto, my people, is stone-ground crap with liquid caulk.

Or it's polenta and pomade. I've never read a recipe, but as far as I can tell, you take about a bushel of hominy grits and boil it up with nine cakes of Bedhead Hair Mud. Then you serve it quick before it sets up into a slab suitable for footing a spring house. Put four cubic inches of risotto into your belly and expect to be stuck on the toilet hollering for your cigarettes and a pint of mineral oil.

So the world can keep it's risotto off my plate. But I will have more pizza, thanks.