What Not To Pierce (Ongoing Series - Pt. 47)

A gal in her 40's walked into the diner one day last week wearing a midriff sweater that exposed a medium-sized jelly roll. Right in the center of her over-tanned belly-bulge a spangly, silver set of keys dangled from the fat below her belly-button. Since I'd never seen anyone make themselves into a walking key ring before, I did a double take.

It wasn't a key ring. It was a silver "dreamcatcher" with silver "feathers." OmG!!

I keep telling the world not to pierce its unsightly body parts and the world does not listen. But this is a whole new intensity of offense on three levels. First, there is the run-of-the-mill violation of good taste in that she just HAD to put some kind of metal in the middle of her over-sized belly. In addition, she braised her porkbelly to a ripe, well-done steak-brown so the metal would be extra visible. And THEN she went out and found herself a piece of midi-jewelry that looked as close as possible to a set of keys to her boyfriend's trailer, the Goodwill truck she drives, the padlock on the shed behind her momma's house and her locker at the bus station. How chic!