Truly Bad Films

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Hand Toys

First, I found this little gem yesterday - a well-known "raw food" specialist in New York City was arrested for exposing himself on the subway. Russell Scott Smith of the New York Times wrote a mischevious article about the troubles of nut milk-maker extraordinaire, Dan Hoyt.
According to Hoyt, “There have been situations in a bar or nightclub where you’re fooling around with somebody and yeah, you’re exposed. It’s nothing really accessible. Just sort of hidden, but risky. If someone looked closely, they could see what’s going on.” Without skiing or bike racing as an outlet [in New York City], he took to exposing himself in public. He is very matter-of-fact about it. “It’s the possibility of being caught or discovered, the thrill of doing something crazy,” Hoyt says.
Excuse me, Mr. Hoyt, but did you say "You're exposed!?" Like lil Mr. Peepee jumped out of your zipper all by himself? And you like the "thrill of doing something crazy"?
Hoyt believes that if he and [his target of exposure] had only met under different circumstances, she might really like him. “You know, she’d go, ‘That guy’s pretty cool. He’s got this restaurant, and he’s fun,’ ” Hoyt says. “She’d probably want to go out with me.”
"Fun" in Hoyt-World is code for "public masturbator." It's creeps like this who break into a woman's house so they can experience "thrill of doing something crazy" like rape. I'm just sorry he didn't get any prison time so he could experience the thrill of a prison tossed salad - after all, it's raw food!

In somewhat related news, my pal Mr. Keysunset sent this one. A Homeland Security official was arrested last night in a child sex sting. Department of Homeland Security deputy press secretary Brian J. Doyle faces extradition to Florida after he was arrested in his home while chatting on-line with a Florida computer-crimes detective posing as a 14-year old girl. The 55-year old Doyle offered to send the girl nude photos of himself and sent text to her that could make a sheriff blush. (Why not just masturbate on a train, I ask? Some guys find that's best way to meet women!)

The thing that I find particularly ironic is that Brian J. Doyle gave the "girl" his full name and told her he worked for Homeland Security. He also gave her his real office, home and cell phone numbers. Doesn't the Department of Homleand Security do any kind of in-house training on the meaning of the word "Security"?

Radical Islamacists are really missing out on exploiting a secuity loophole here, peeps. Apparently all they need to do is hop on HughesNet, do a convincing slutty teen, and they'd have the codes to the football before Friday prayers. I guess it's a good thing that when they think "slutty teen," a girl in a black dress wearing white socks comes to mind.


At 11:49 PM, Blogger bobgirrl said...

I would not want Mr. Hoyt's hands anywhere near my raw food.

At 8:53 AM, Anonymous keysunset said...

ewwwwww. My mind hadn't even gone that far.

(Although when I typed the above I initially type "hand't")

At 12:44 PM, Blogger Chai-rista said...

Yeah - when the article talked about the restaurrant he ran, and that his good pal is a pee drinker, I was pretty sure I didn't want the House Dressing.


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